These people either don’t know how to be in a loving relationship or they feel they don’t deserve to have such a wonderful person in their lives.
Knowing this, (or believing this) they are certain (in their own mind) that the relationship will never last.
Therefore, consciously (or subconsciously,) they sabotage the relationship just so they can say they were right all along and go back to struggling to survive without a significant other in their lives. Because they are the only one they can truly count on.
I have found this to be true among women who have been in abusive relationships. Verbally or physically.
Now, can men also be professional victims? Absolutely, but for the sake of this article, it will be a woman.
The best way to tell if you’re involved
with a professional victim is.
1. As you get to know them, and describe the kind of woman you’re looking for, or what you expect from a relationship, they will immediately tell you that they are exactly what you’ve been looking for.
2. For the first few months, they actually do most of what you expect from a relationship… but not all. Even though they swore up and down that they will.
3. After 4 months or so, they do only enough to keep you from ending the relationship. You’re not happy, they’re not doing what you expect them to do in the relationship, even though you are. The relationship has become one-sided.
4. After another 3 or 4 months of this, you tell them you’re not happy at all. And say they are about to lose you if things don’t go back to the way they promised you they would. They’ll listen to you and will most likely agree with every word you say to them. Even apologize. But few, if any changes are made.
5. You have had enough, and you’re ready to end the relationship. You tell them you’re done and you give your reasons why.
They reply with…. “I knew this would happen. How can you do this to me?” I love you with all my heart and now you are abandoning me! That’s fine, you are not who I thought you were, I will survive without you!”
Now, the smart man will let it end at this point. Sad to say, not all men are smart.
Racked with guilt, you decide to give it one more chance, hoping that they will FINALLY see how close they were to loosing you – this man who they say they love with all their heart, and hoping you will finally see the woman – who told you they were exactly what you were looking for. This man who they say is the BEST thing they could ever hope for.
Remember the job scenario? A person gets hired because they have convinced the employer they are perfect for the position. They are exactly who the employer is looking for. Although [in this scenario] the employer has grave doubts about this now and is beginning to regret his decision hiring her, he gives her the benefit of the doubt.
6. Two more months go by…. no change. Just more excuses.
7. You finally end it. They reply the same way they did two months earlier only this time, you don’t care. Remember –
The professional victim needs the relationship to end so they can justify their actions and go back to surviving without a good man in their lives, because surviving is what they do best.
They just don’t know how to do what it takes to make a relationship happy and successful. Again – remember – the professional victim places little value in the relationship and their role in it because they are certain it will eventually end anyway. In their minds – consciously (or subconsciously,) they feel they don’t deserve it in the first place.
Guys, should you find yourself in a similar relationship with a woman I’ve just described, then I highly recommend you end it. You’ve probably been involved with this woman for much longer than any reasonable man would be. Save yourself any further frustration and heartache. Believe me, you’ve done nothing wrong. This is a toxic relationship and you need to start thinking about you!
