What you’re about to read is the last part of my new— soon to be released book entitled: The Instructional Guide to a Great Relationship with A Basket of Fish, (A man.) While it wasn’t part of the finished book, I felt compelled to add it.
The Gabby Petito Addendum
With the heartbreaking news of the death of Gabby Petito coming to light right before the release of this book, I felt compelled to delve a little more into what we all know as The Toxic Relationship. We’ll most likely never know the whole story behind the life and death of Gabby, nor the relationship she had with her fiance Brian Laundrie. Cable news pundits will speculate on reports from hungry journalists talking with friends, relatives and neighbors of the couple trying to create a narrative sure to keep the public glued to their seats. At the writing of this addendum, Brian is still missing, but his whereabouts changes nothing. Any additional knowledge won’t bring Gabby back.
I’ve always been one of those short, sweet and to the point kinda guys and it reflects in my writing brief chapters. I figure— the information is there, you’ll either get it or you won’t. And while I have mentioned abusive relationships in at least two places in the book, I now believe I must expand on this topic.
Let’s face it folks, there are a lot of sick puppies out there. And don’t believe for a second it’s a guy thing because it isn’t. There are toxic women out there as well, to the point where many are coming to the conclusion that relationships between men and women just aren’t worth the effort any longer and now aren’t worth the physical risk.
And when you look at the big picture— comparatively speaking, these kinds of relationships are thankfully few and far between. Even so, they exist. Domestic violence is at an all time high in the US and in all honesty, I’m surprised by this. You have to ask yourself— why would any sane individual choose to remain in any relationship where violence is a part of it. I will never understand that. But the sad reality is, there are men and women who do make the choice to live in this manner.
Signs are everywhere
Fact: Hindsight doesn’t mean shit unless you learn from it. But it never fails, men and women continue to make the same bad choices in individuals they allow into their lives. I sincerely hope that by the end of this book, you will know how to stop making these poor choices! But I fear for some, it will take more than a book to accomplish this. Sometimes, people have to take the road of hard knocks and figure it out for themselves with many needing to take additional trips down that same hard road.
Oh well, what’s a mother to do. You can warn someone ‘till your blue in the face and they just never learn. And yes, the signs are everywhere but we make the conscious decision not to see them or worse, we see them yet refuse to do anything about them. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve done the same but fortunately, it didn’t take too long for me to finally recognize this and end the relationship rather than allowing it to fester into something that could quite possibly do me harm, emotionally, physically or financially.
Red Flags
Why do we call them Red Flags? I know, stupid question. We have been taught from childhood that when we see a red sign, it signifies something to pay attention to and a warning to be mindful of that which lies beyond should you not do as it suggests. Like a stop sign where two roads intersect. Stop, then look before you cross. Again, the reason for the red color is to get our attention to the words or symbols on the sign. Most times it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Like the cape of a matador, the color red draws the bull towards the danger that awaits him. Guess what, 99.9% of the time, the bull dies. Even with certain doom, even with lances embedded in the bulls neck, the bull keeps charging the matadors red cape.
There are people, like the bull— who do the same. They see red flags not as warnings, but as challenges. Something to surpass, overcome or change. It all depends on the red flag and what it represents. Relationships are no different. Red flags are warnings you can either confront and resolve the issues they represent or— like the bull, charge right into inevitable disaster by refusing to heed their warnings.
The High and Low Bars of Tolerance
How many times have you heard (or said) the following.
“She’s out of her ever loving mind – but the sex is fantastic!” or- “He’s out of his ever loving mind— Oh, and by the way, have you seen the new ring he bought me?”
It never ceases to amaze me why people tolerate men and women in their lives who they know are bad for them physically and emotionally. But they do, until it becomes more than even they can handle. By then, in many instances, it’s too late. Don’t get me wrong, there will be ups and downs in any relationship. That’s expected and we can usually deal with them but when the relationship turns violent for any reason, it’s time to run.
And here’s the caveat most don’t take into consideration so remember this. Man or woman— if you’re in a relationship where life has become so intolerable that you see that you yourself could be provoked into violence, then end that relationship ASAP. No ifs, ands or buts. No compromise— no negotiation— no nothing. I don’t care how great the rest of it is, it’s time to end it.
No relationship is worth throwing your life away over. Graveyards and prisons are full of people who made that choice. You can make all the excuses you want to convince yourself to remain but heed this, you’ll do so at your peril.
As time goes on, we’ll learn more about the lives of this couple. One suggestion was made that Brian has a bi-polar disorder and while that may be found out to be true, it doesn’t diminish the fact that Gabby made the choice to remain in the relationship. And that choice eventually led to her death.
So be mindful of how far you’re willing to tolerate the actions of others. Somewhere in this book is a saying worth repeating, and the harsh reality is—
98% of everything that happens in your life is your responsibility. Good or bad, you either created it, or allowed it to happen.
