Trust, what a complicated word… huh? Just so many variables, so many levels one has to contend with this – too often – used word.
Trust me! I trust him with my life. I’ll trust you this one time. Trust in Love. I trust myself. I trust people until they give me a reason not to. Trust your feelings. I could go on and on but I think you get my point. (At least I trust you have)
We’ve all used the word “Trust” – in one form or another – countless times in our lives. We’ve said it and we’ve heard it. Sometimes we’re glad we did trust (or didn’t) and other times we regret that we had trusted (or hadn’t.)
What exactly is Trust?
Is it this?
In a sense one could could say it is. Although I doubt very much the infant had a choice. And while that may be true. The image is one of our first experiences with trust.
That being said – look at the photo. The child is enjoying the experience. That is not always the case with every child. Some children dislike being thrown in the air immensely. So, is this a trust issue with certain children, or simply a preference. I’d be willing to bet it’s a little of both.
When my son was four or five, I’d take him to the park or the Zoo. We had a “thing” we used to do together that would scare the (insert explicative) out of most everyone who saw it. He would stand up on my shoulders, and with my hands grasping his ankles, bungee jumped in front of me, ending with him swinging between my legs. To this day I’m not sure whether he actually enjoyed it, or enjoyed more the look of horror and astonishment on the faces of those who saw him do it. No matter what his reason was, he trusted me not to let him fall or get hurt.
As we get older and interact more and more with others, trust evolves as well. Meaning, trust is fundamental, as we get older, we lean to distrust. That’s important to know, we learn to distrust. Based on our individual life experiences.
Trust is not absolute. By definition, trust will always include some degree of risk. Therefore, the amount of trust we give to someone or something is determined by two predominant factors. Either singularly or combined.
1. Knowledge
2. Desire/self interest
1. Knowledge
You have knowledge through personal experience or research that someone, or something is trustworthy. Trust which has been earned through past performance. You trust someone because they have proven to you that they can be trusted. Trust based on knowledge involves the least amount of risk.
2. Desire/self interest
Trust, solely through our desires or self interests is very similar to what is called a “Blind Trust.” Nothing has been earned. There is no past performance or prior personal knowledge to base this trust on. Most relationships (in their beginning) fall under this category. We give trust because of desire and what we hope to gain from doing so.
Normally, this trust eventually grows into trust based on knowledge and performance. However, desire and self interest in many instances can often lead to misplaced trust.
An abstract of this is called “Game theory”
So, what is trust?
Trust is the act of proving confidence in ourselves to others through word or deed. Trust conveys a degree of reliability, honesty and ones moral character to others. Trust is also the act of showing confidence in an other’s honesty, reliability and moral character. Trust is a two way street.
Why do we trust?
Remember the term I said in the beginning? “I trust people until given a reason not too.” I believe that pretty much sums it up. Trust in of itself is fundamental. Distrust is learned. I would like to think that in society as a whole, there is still a basic faith in human nature. That people pride themselves on their trustworthiness and almost feel insulted to when someone thinks otherwise.
On the other hand, there are those who simply don’t care, although I still feel they are the exception and not the rule.
Level of Trust.
While we are more likely to trust someone to pay us back the five dollars we loaned them while grocery shopping, I doubt we could trust them to jump into shark infested waters to save our lives. Are there levels of trust? Absolutely, and these levels are based on the particular relationship and it’s history. Again, there are exceptions to every rule.
Betrayed trust
Remember, trust is not absolute. Events occur in life which – through no fault of our own – can betray ones trust in us or our trust in someone. We have experienced this at least once in our lives. Whether that breech of trust was intentional or not will be either your decision or the decision of the one you’ve failed. Again, there is always a degree of risk that the outcome will not be as you expect.
In a way, trust is like a bank account. Being trusted, or trusting in someone is like making a deposit. When someone places their trust in you, you are basically taking out a loan. A loan of confidence, of faith in you and you’re ability to follow though on what they’re trusting you do do. Once fulfilled, the loan has been returned hence the profit is that your account grew richer. Remember, the only collateral you have in the Bank of Trust is Trust itself.
Trust within a relationship.
As there are many different kinds of relationships, for the sake of this section, let’s focus on a loving relationship between two people. Seeing as that’s what this site is primarily about.
One would imagine trust would be treated in the same fashion when in a relationship. In many ways it is. However, in many ways, it’s different. Our expectations are higher. Trust plays a greater role for the simple reason that we would not be in the relationship in the first place unless trust were there. Or the illusion of trust.
The “Illusion” of trust….
that’s a mouthful… huh? Can it be so? Can there be an illusion of trust motivated solely by ones desires and self interests? Absolutely! One can give the illusion of trust because of desires and self interests just as easily as one can accept the illusion of trust because of their own desires and self interests. People who say they have “Trust issues” usually means at some point in their lives, they were betrayed.
Within a relationship, trust is a decision. It’s a choice. Then becomes a mutual expectation. We are responsible for this. No one else. In the beginning, trust is blind and how long it takes for trust to go from Blind to trust based on performance becomes one of the determining factors of the success or failure of the relationship. If you can’t completely trust the man or woman you love, then you have no business being in a relationship with them until you can. It’s not fair to you, and not fair to them either. Equally, if trust in each other, or the relationship has diminished during the course of your relationship, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. The lack – or loss – of trust in a relationship is a symptom, not a cause. There is always a reason for it.
The ability to trust and be trusted is an integral part of any relationship and who we are as individuals which should never be taken for granted, offered or accepted lightly. Nothing will kill a relationship quicker or keep a relationship from progressing than the lack or loss of trust.
How do you know if you can truly trust someone? There’s only one way to find out.
Start trusting them. Then decide.
Am I right about all this?
Sure I am!
Trust me….
