Question:
My girlfriend hates that I don’t like V-Day. I try to show her how much I love her all the time. So why do we need it?
Response:
I’ve been waiting for this question for years! Although I highly doubt many women have been waiting for this kind of answer.
A Little History.
My first encounter with Valentines Day was in grade school. I can’t say whether or not it’s still being celebrated in elementary schools today but back then it was.
When I was a kid, the class was given notice that Valentines Day was coming up so one of our parents (usually our mother) had time to take us to the local five and dime (we call them Walmart’s now) to get us a box of Valentines Day cards to hand out to the girls or boys in the class. There were always a few extra put aside to hand out to others in the school who were not in our particular classroom.
We made our own little pouches from colored construction paper and taped them to the front of our desks. Then, approximately 30 minutes or so before the end of class, we all rose from our desks and went around the room placing our Valentines in the pouches of people in the class we wanted to give them to. As an added treat, candy heart topped cupcakes were usually on hand, baked and brought to class by the mothers of a few students. For the most part, it was pretty much all inclusive. The boys gave all the girls in the class Valentines and the girls did the same. No one was left out as far as I can remember.
The type of card and what was written on it was a slightly different story. If it was just a generic card in an envelope with the name of the classmate giving it, that pretty much said it all. Nothing special, given only to celebrate the day. BUT! A cool card with an actual note written in addition to the name of the sender was WONDERFUL! (Depending on the girl who sent it.) I should clarify that the boxes of Valentines Day cards which were sold contained a variety of cards. Most were fairly generic while (I’m guessing) ten percent or so were more flirtatious. If the cards came with the little candy hearts inside, (again, from a girl we were interested in) we were ecstatic!
As a relatively shy and introverted boy, needless to say, most of the cards I received from the girls in my class were more generic in nature. But, I was pleasantly surprised a few times.
The “idea” of Valentines Day was planted in the minds of boys and girls at a very young age through our school system. I can’t remember exactly what grade I was in when I first learned of it but I would guess by at least the third, or fourth grade. In other words – when boys started “liking” girls. (And vice versa.) Looking back on it now after many years, it’s hard for me to imagine why. I can only surmise that it was a way to outwardly normalize what young boys and girls were beginning to think about when it came to the opposite sex. Whether it was to simply recognize each other as individuals, friends or more, Valentines Day in the schools was essentially – the prime root (or beginning) of sex education.
I honestly don’t remember much regarding Valentines Day throughout the rest of my school years as I was more the loner type. So, where self confidence and love are concerned, we’ll have to fast forward to adulthood and actual girlfriends.
To make a long story short – Yes – I fell into the Valentines Day Trap. Everyone else was into it so I joined in also and did what every other red blooded boyfriend was expected to do. I bought the card – flowers – dinner…. etc. It didn’t much matter whether I was – in any way – romantic during the rest of the year just as long as I damn well was ROMANTIC on THAT day!
As the years rolled by and as I came to the realization that I was more romantic than the average male, (according to girlfriends and other women I knew,) I came to resent Valentines Day. I saw it as an obligatory day in which to shower our significant other in romantic gestures. I was already doing that throughout the relationship so why should I do it just because a particular day of the year demanded it from me?
What does Valentines Day mean today?
Depends on who you ask. When you think about it, the whole idea behind Valentines Day was a day when people were given the opportunity to let someone know we were interested in them who may not otherwise been aware of it. That’s the whole point behind “Will you be my Valentine?”
Valentines Day now has become a day when women are showered with chocolate, gifts (primarily lingerie – hint hint) and fancy restaurants and for men to get “lucky.”
In fact – for adults in relationships – they should rename Valentines Day to The 99% Day. Meaning, if men do all the day requires of them, there’s a 99% chance they’ll get “lucky.” If they don’t, there’s a 99% chance they won’t. Which is the main reason why men in relationships celebrate the day. I’ll let you determine the definition of “lucky.” Just a tad one sided if you ask me. (Ladies, quit smiling – you know I’m right.)
And retail establishments love you for it. Just as [they] are removing any item from [their] shelves resembling Christmas, up go Valentines Day products. Men buy into this because “lucky” is a very powerful word. I could be wrong, but I’d say Valentines day is probably the second most advertised holiday of the year in the US. Right after Christmas.
The positive side with the commercialization of Valentines Day is that it gives men and women who somehow weren’t present when the “romance gene” was handed out, the opportunity to be romantic through their wallets. It kept them out of the doghouse.
As a romantic male, and out of pure curiosity, I began asking women, “If you had to make a choice between celebrating Valentines Days or having a man (or woman) in your life who was romantic throughout the year and you could only choose one or the other,” every single one of them chose to give up Valentines day for the romantic man.
That was the last nail in the coffin when it came to me and Valentines Day. I no longer celebrated the day because I had no reason to and if I was ever asked why, I gave my reasons. In short – and in my opinion – the ONLY reasons for Valentines Day are the following.
1. An innocent – roundabout way to to let someone know you’re interested in them.
2. The opportunity for someone who doesn’t have a romantic bone in their body to make a romantic gesture.
If you consider yourself a romantic individual, then refuse to buy in to a day when you are guilt-ed into doing things which are already in your nature to do. Save your money. But if you love the idea of Valentines Day then by all means, celebrate it to your hearts content.
Sean Connery said it best in the movie Finding Forester.
“the key to a woman’s heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.”
I rest my case.
