It’s difficult, especially these days in an age of diversity and multiculturalism not to talk in generalities. “Generally speaking” seems to preface most statements because there will always be someone somewhere who will say “I was never like that” or will strongly disagree with the statement. Which is perfectly fine and most likely true when it comes to a particular individual.
I wrote The 4 Steps of Man a long time ago. I think it was for some class I took in College but I believe the premise is just as true today as it was back then. [Generally speaking.]
Here’s the summary:
The 4 Steps of Man (Or – The Typical 8 Week Relationship.)
Step 1.
Man sees woman….. man is physically attracted to woman….. woman shows interest in the man.
Step 2.
Man can’t wait to get the woman into bed. Man then magically becomes EVERYTHING the woman thinks she’s looking for in a man so he CAN get her into bed. (Takes one to 4 weeks) Although this being the age of the internet and social media, we’re now talking within the first week in many instances.
Step 3.
Woman believes this and has sex with the man. (3rd or 4th week)
Step 4.
Man begins to show his true colors because he has already reached his main goal of having sex with the woman. He now begins to show her who he REALLY is. After 8 weeks,she realizes that he’s not the man she was looking for. End of relationship. (5th to 8th week.)
Let’s take a closer look.
Step 1. The Meet Cute.
Man sees woman….. man is physically attracted to woman….. woman shows interest in the man.
Pretty obvious. Whether it’s a nightclub, church or the proverbial produce section at the local grocery store, when men see a woman they find attractive, the first things they think of are…
1. I wonder what she looks like naked.
2. I wonder what she’s like in bed.
Seeing as the likelihood of this becoming more than just a glance with wishful thinking involved is next to impossible, his thoughts last about as long as it takes to decide how many ears of corn which happens to be on sale that week to purchase or goes back to discussing whatever the topic is at the moment with his friends.
It’s only when the glance is returned by the woman in an approving way allows the man to decide whether or not he wants to take the next step by starting a conversation – or – seeking the isle where the sale on corn is. In most instances – he goes for the corn, she continues with her shopping and that’s the end of that.
On the rare occasion that the woman returns the initial interest with interest of her own and a meeting does take place, step 2 comes into play.
Step 2. The Primary Goal
Man can’t wait to get the woman into bed. Man then magically becomes EVERYTHING the woman thinks she’s looking for in a man so he CAN get her into bed.
Consciously or subconsciously, this is the mans’ primary goal. Everything else determines the time and effort involved in achieving it. Because he knows nothing about the woman (other than the fact that he’s physically attracted to her,) the priority of this goal is a strong level 10.
Now, that level might change over the course of getting to know the woman, even to the point where he may abandon his goal after the first lunch date and move on, but physical attraction sometimes has a mind of it’s own.
The more he finds out what the woman is looking for in a man, the more he becomes the man she’s looking for. Whether or not it’s in his nature. Anyone can be anyone for a short period of time. It all depends on his motives. You have to remember, Saint or Asshole, the primary goal at this point is sex. Next stop, Step 3.
Step 3. The Hook
Woman believes this and has sex with the man.
You’re just amazed how attentive he is… what a gentleman… “He actually listens to me…. he’s fun… exciting!…… not at all like my X was……” (Failing to remember your X was the exact same way while he was trying to achieve the same goal.)
He’s done everything right…. so much so that the woman is actually a little nervous, wondering whether or not she’ll be good enough for him! (Believe it or not.)
Primary goal is about to be achieved. After which, Step 4 is inevitable
Step 4: Reality
Step 4 usually takes between 5 & 8 weeks to happen, but in a lot of cases, it does…. hence most short term relationships usually last the proverbial “2 months.” You’ve heard it a million times…
“How long did you see the guy for?”… “ohhh… a couple months”
(Which for many women is great because it justifies sex without being thought of as a slut)
He’s achieved his primary goal, now he begins to show you who he really is…. which 8 times out of 10 is nowhere near who you thought he was.
I know what you’re thinking.
“This whole article is a load of BS! The woman has the option of ending this when ever she likes.”
I agree with you 100%, but this article isn’t called The 4 Steps of Woman. On top of which, women – again [generally speaking] – love the idea of being in love. So much so that they tend to overlook faults and refuse to heed red flags. Quit shaking your head “NO!” because we ALL do it. Yes – even us guys.
There is a common truth here that you have to remember. The truth being that no matter what kind of man this is, asshole or wonderful guy, looking for a one night stand or committed relationship – when it comes to dating – until sex takes place, sex will always be at the top on his agenda. Because that’s men, that’s the way we think! We go with physical and sexual thoughts first. But there is a huge difference between wanting a meaningful, loving relationship with a future, and just going out and trying to have sex. The difficult part for women will be how to discern one from the other.
Let’s face it ladies, when it comes to sex, you hold the key. The average woman can walk into any busy nightclub and if all she’s looking for is sex, trust me – by the end of the night I’m certain she would have met more than enough men willing to accommodate her. The average man cannot say the same. That is of course unless he’s willing to pay for it.
This is important to remember, depending of course on what your motives and intentions are.
Two Schools of Thought.
Full disclosure folks. I’m not 100% sure there actually are only two schools of thought on this topic, but, I can only think of the following two.
1. One can agree that it’s best to take your time to really get to know someone before you jump into bed with them. You know the old saying….
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
One can also agree that sex and intimacy go hand in hand with a committed relationship and in many cases – to the point of having to be married first. So it’s better to take ones time to find out if a committed relationship is even possible before jumping right into sex. IF a committed relationship is your goal.
2. Others can argue that if sex for the man is the primary goal in the beginning of any relationship, might as well get it out of the way as soon as possible so reality can begin. There’s a lot of truth to this. Especially these days when more and more women no longer view a connection between sex and love. If you are a woman who believes this, then more power to you.
However, the quicker you are to jump into bed with a man, the quicker he will come to believe you are this easy with every man. True or not, red flags will immediately appear in his mind.
If you’re seeking a committed relationship lasting longer than 8 weeks, leading to an actual future, this is not the best way to go in my humble opinion.
The Bottom Line.
Sex for men will always be the first thing he thinks of when meeting a woman he’s physically attracted to. In the beginning, it will be his primary goal. Your job is to determine whether or not it’s his ONLY goal. How do you accomplish this? Read The Guide.
